Category Archives: Articles

REMEMBER, OSHIOMHOLE

Nigeria ceded Bakassi Peninsula to Cameroon
Pulled out her officials and soldiers and
Pulled down her flag that used to fly proudly on Bakassi soil Read More

AKURI SAYS I SHOULD YI AKURI

My friend’s Governor is an Akuri.
The only thing he knows how to say is Yi Akuri.
Your Excellency, all our roads are in bad shape
Akuri says Yi Akuri. Read More

WHAT IF…

9ja matter no dey finish
E bi like a circle
If you start for one place
You go waka waka waka so tai
You go meet at the same place again

But:
What if a big and small man for 9ja stops to dey collect a bribe?
What if bail for 9ja true true na free?
What if policemen complete salary, uniform, stationaries, fuel money, etc dey true true reach each of them hand?
What if government contractors dey true true get more than 98% of the money wai dey suppose pay them take do work?
What if lecturers for 9ja no dey take bribe again in cash or in-kind?
What if NEPA soji himself and light come dey shine wan wan non-stop for 9ja?
What if 98% of 9ja roads make sense?
What if electric train enter 9ja and come dey work as e dey work for yankee?
What if 9ja drivers no dey blow one way or beat traffic again?
What if politicians for 9ja no dey carry ballout box or rig elections again?
What if 9ja yahoo boys begin use their brain take build better machines?
What if Pastors, Imams and Babalawos for 9j true true dey fear God and teach 9jarians to fear God too?
What if at all level for 9ja, free chop chop no dey for politics again?
What if that blind woman of justice wai hold scale for one hand and sword for the other hand true true no dey fear face again for 9ja?
What if people for 9ja no dey vote for person again because of tribe or religion but because of the person character, hardwork and brain? What if all governors comot eyes from Local Government body and Local Government too true true dey work for the good of our grassroots?
What if prisoner’s food true true dey reach their mouth and them dey teach them good handwork and character as they supposed to dey teach them?
What if our soldiers completely defeat Boko Haram and other terrorist group for 9ja?
What if we begin take kidnappers and their families eyes see watin them dey to do others?
What if 9jarians no dey collect money again to take vote for person?
What if all government workers begin to dey do their work as dey true true suppose to dey do am?
What if we stop Constituency Allowance wai many legislators don turn to PPM (Private Pocket Money)?
What if we comot eyes from crude oil and develop other yafu yafu mineral resources wai Baba God give us?
What if we get leaders wai want make e true true better for all 9jarians and not make e better for only them, their families and their cabal?
What if 9jarians true true begin dey belief say bad bad things dey wait for bad man when him die?
What if 9ja stop to dey borrow borrow?
What if we soji our farmers so tai food come true true sara for 9ja and we come dey export the plenty wai remain?
What if…

If we do half of watin I talk, 9ja go change for good no bi small.
If we do all, 9ja go better pass Yankee.

Broda, Aunti,
Whart if YOU and ME begin dey change all our bad bad ways to good ones?
Reason am well, well.

NEPA DIED BUT HIS GHOST REFUSED TO REST.

Our great friend, Mr NEPA died many years back
But his ghost is yet to rest.
Reason?
His burial ceremony was the most ignoble in our land
200 million people came out to honour him at death
But majority returned home complaining and complaining
The 3 stages of his burial rites were all messed up and messed down.

Less than 100 cooks were hired to cook tons and tons of food
Charcoal was ignored, although it filled our land
Gas Cookers were engaged but never enough
The water supply was grossly inadequate
The Sun too was ignored, although it would have helped to do some cooking
At the end of the cooking, only a few tons of foods were edible
Many, half-cooked
And plenty of raw foodstuffs ended up in private homes.

To move the few cooked tones to the burial venue, what another disaster
Few Pickup Vans were engaged to lift the food instead of Trailers.
Overloading made the van’s tyres shoot Banger indiscriminately
Priceless time was wasted replacing tyres
Food got to the venue almost soured.
The worse is yet to come.

Serving 200 million hungry mouths is no joke
Few ushers were on the ground to distribute
Many stole rather than serve
The few that served, fed the already fed first
Before giving the remnant to a few of the hungry
Those that got nothing began to shout
NEPA! NEPA!! NEPA!!!

Tell me, how will his ghost ever rest when with anger
Over a million persons shout his name every day?
How will his ghost rest when the Chief Cook at his burial preparations at some point was a Bricklayer,
At other points, was a thief who stole like silly
And at some other point, he had a chicken heart that could not bark
When cooks and ushers stole and stole?

How will his ghost know peace when Alagbada Ina walks gracefully in the midst of Thunder
Is not happy with him and is set to deadly strike all those that stole and recklessly squandered
The food that was meant for all?

But the trillion naira question is:
Who will manfully and honestly coordinate the burial rites of our dear friend,
Mr NEPA so that his ghost can rest in peace?

When he is finally laid to rest,
The light of great prosperity will flood the land of Green and White.

Again, the question is:
Who will Bell the cat?

EXCELLENT FAAAART!

Paat!
Your Excellency, is that you?
Although I told you yesterday that eggs, beans and beer don’t go together,
You ignored me. Don’t worry, it smells nice.
I like it.

Paat, frurr!
Your Excellency, is that you again?
You have added other swags to your regular concoction.
It smells like lavender.
Your boys like it.

Paat, frurr, tomboo!
Your Excellency, Your Excellency,
This one is strong,
Although it has killed all the insects in the room,
The people are super excited that such a powerful aroma comes from you wonderful anus.
They like it.

Paat, frurr, tomboo, gassss!
Your Excellency, I am suffocating.
I don’t know who to blame. Your intestine or your anus?
All the crops and animals in the streets are now lifeless.
But still my Oga, the people are jumping and dancing.
The sound of your fart is the best music they have ever heard.

Paat, frurr, tomboo, gassss, gboa!
Your Excellency, I need a respiratory mask. The Hydrogen Sulfide
In your thing has now become too much.
Humans are now dying.
But my Oga, as long as it is from you …

10 VS 1,000,000

For every 10 of them that travel abroad for medical attention,
1,000,000 of us suffer and many die in the “thing” they left here called Hospital.
For every 10 of their children, they send abroad to study,
1,000,000 of us suffer untold pains due to the ASUU strike and our crazy condition of learning.
For every 10 of them that are massively protected with State funds,
1,000,000 of us are robbed, molested, kidnapped and killed with little or no help from any quarters.
For every 10 of them that get juicy employment or contract,
1,000,000 of us roam the streets with zero account balance.
For every 10 Agberos, they send to the streets,
1,000,000 drivers and commuters pay through their nose
While law enforcement agents look the other way.
For every 10 of them that put workers’ salary or pension into a fixed deposit or private account,
1,000,000 of us become terribly hungry, many become ill and some even die.
For every 10 of them that constructs “expressways” that fail in less than 2 years,
1,000,000 of us lose our cars, legs and lives.
For every 10 “fantastic projects” they siphon its money,
1,000,000 of us are forced to carry the heavy burdens such a project would have lifted.
For every 10 of them that travel abroad to enjoy themselves,
1,000,000 of us go to bed on empty stomach.
For every 10 of them that are connected to NEPA’s special lines,
1,000,000 of us wallow in darkness and are forced to enjoy the “treat”.

But should this rubbish stop?

Then, let the 10s vote for them and let the 1,000,000s vote for us!
Enough is enough!!!

9JA YOUTHS: IS YOUR BRAIN PAINING YOU?

Mugabe The Great asked this rhetorical question:
Is your brain paining you?
Osiriame The Poet toes his line of thoughts to ask 9ja Youths:
Is your brain paining you?

He highs himself with a bottle of wine that costs N2.5 million
And highs you with Monkey Tail of N25.
Is your brain paining you?

His children return from abroad to get good jobs
And you return from prison to get another “Big Job.”
Is your brain paining you?

He kills his political enemies with a gun he placed in your hand
And you are hiding from the police while he is smiling on TV.
Is your brain paining you?

His children run his errands to his associate in the day
And you run his errands to his deadly opponents in the night.
Is your brain paining you?

He travels to different countries of the world to enjoy himself
And come back to show you the pictures and you shout “Twale Baba. Enjoyment Master.”
Is your brain paining you?

His children spent 4 years or less in Ivy schools and you spent 12 years in 9ja Uni
Working for him and being expelled and working for him
And being expelled and working for him and being expelled.
Is your brain paining you?

You carried ballot box for him and almost got killed
And he carried State Funds and lives like a king.
Is your brain paining you?

His phones are always with his PA that always tells you “He is in a meeting.”
But now that elections are here, he calls you by himself and you rush to meet him.
Guy, Is your brain paining you?

He then pays you N20, 000 to vote for him
Thereby settling you for 4 years of his tenure at N13.69k per day.
For God’s sake, is your brain paining you?

This mumurism MUST STOP!
If he has a “Big Job” to execute, let him be at the front
And let his sons be the next behind him and then, you will follow them.

After all, I’m sure your brain is not paining you.
9ja Youths: I Hail!